The Lush Jungle Within

(Or: "Learning to Love Your Intestinal Flora")

You know, when the whole "ingest/digest/excrete" process is running smoothly, you kind of take it for granted. At least, I do. The past couple of weeks, however, I have come to greatly appreciate my ability to have a certain predictability to the cycle of taking in food and expelling waste in a comfortable and somewhat cleanly manner. In other words: I had the runs, and I had 'em bad.

I won't go into too much detail; honestly, if you're writing a blog entry about your digestive system, you're treading a very fine line to begin with, and details about how the predicament came about have a tendency to push you way, way over that line. Let's simply say that my inner jungle was the victim of deforestation, and leave it at that. And let me tell you, those little guys sure do serve an important purpose in life, overlooked and under appreciated though they may be. Between urgent runs (no pun intended) to the facilities and...erm...gas emissions that would put a herd of cows to shame, things were bad.

Fortunately, yogurt is the E.P.A. of the digestive system. With the help of corporate sponsors Yoplait and McNeil Consumer & Specialty Pharmaceuticals (proud manufacturers of Imodium A-D), a reforestation program has been initiated. I'm pleased to announce that, even at this early stage, the program has been a great success, and much of the affected area has begun to reach a level of functional normality. Though methane emissions remain somewhat above normal levels, the environmental impact of said emissions has been drastically reduced: an improvement which, I'm sure, will lead to much rejoicing on the part of my co-workers, friends, family, and the employees and customers of the local coffee shop I frequent.

In conclusion, I would just like to say this: In an era of increased environmental awareness, there is still vegetation that too often goes unnoticed, and that is unfortunate. I urge you, each and every one of you, to learn to appreciate -- nay, to learn to love the lush jungle within. Take good care of your intestinal flora, and they will take good care of you. Neglect them, and you will learn the hard way just how important they are.

I would like to close this treatise with a quote from famed singer/songwriter, Joni Mitchell:

Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you've got
Till it's gone?
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot.

Indeed, Joni. Indeed.