But I Want a Performer at MY Party!

So I'm sure you've at least heard of MTV's latest trainwreck-on-video, "My Super Sweet Sixteen." I wish I could say that I only saw a couple of minutes, was immediately disgusted, and vowed never to watch it again. But actually, I have a sick fascination with it.

The whole time I watch it, my mind vacillates between the following thoughts:

• "Wow, that girl is one stuck up, self-absorbed asshole. Thank god I didn't grow up with money, because I would probably wind up like that, and ew."
• "Wow, that girl's parents are total pushovers. I wish I grew up with parents who would buy me a $40,000 car if I pouted. Damn, I wonder what kind of mileage that thing gets. How high are her insurance premiums going to be? Does Allstate have a rich spoiled brat discount?"
• "Wow, you'd think that with that much money she'd be able to buy some clothes that weren't totally awful. Or at least have a style consultant who would force her to throw out half her wardrobe. And oh my GOD is she really going to wear that to her party? In front of the cameras?"
• "Wow, it's going to suck for that girl a week after the party, when she realizes that people have been sucking up to her for a year to get invited, and now that the party's over they have no reason to put up with her little power/ego trips."
• "Wow, I totally wish they would show the footage of her walking around school a week after the party, with everybody ignoring her and throwing eggs at her brand new $40,000 car."

As you can see, I feel very conflicted about the whole show. But in general, my response is: so totally awesome. Because, really, sometimes it's just fun to watch people who have no real worries freaking out over nothing. "The streamers are PURPLE!?! Oh my [bleep]ing GOD! I said I wanted PINK streamers and now the party's ruined and all my friends are going to hate me and how could you do this to me mom I hate you I hate you I hate you!!!"

Anyway, the episode that's on now is even more over-the-top, because apparently there are two incredibly spoiled rich girls in this town, and they're locked in an intense battle over whose party is going to be better. And the girl whose party is first totally steals the other girl's theme, and the other girl's superstar performer, AND the other girl's fire dancers! And at the end they both watch the episode together (MTV has gone meta on us?), and they try really hard to be nice to each other for the camera. But the whole time, they have these looks on their faces like "You bitch!" as they exchange backhanded apologies. So awesome.